Sailor Twift presents “AUTO SHOP”

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, teens! As promised, we bring you the premiere of our "first" short film: AUTO SHOP! https://youtu.be/NpKx7CRgjr0?t=10s

Weekend Horror Flick Viewing (10/20): ‘Member Berry Edition

This was certainly an interesting endeavor and I thank all of those who participated. Last week I asked around for people’s favorite horror movie between 1990- 2002. The variety of responses was surprising, I thought Scream was going to be the top pick by a landslide, it wasn’t. Funny note, I posted a status on…

Sailor Twift Movie: War Journals #1

Our not-so-secret short film project kicked off last weekend after a period of writing, re-writing, difficult casting, and even-more-difficult location scouting. Special thanks to Scally's Auto Repair in Clifton Heights, PA for being a life-saver. After two full days of rigorous early-Autumn shooting, we wrapped photograph for our supplemental cast members and tacked on an extra…

Frank Ocean’s Ladder

Since shortly after Channel Orange dropped in 2012, Frank Ocean fans have been restlessly waiting for another scattered, but somehow connected mind-fucking album from the Odd Future artist. He's been featuring with John Mayer, Earl Sweatshirt, Beyonce and more, all the while teasing fans with a 4-year will-he-won't-he story about dropping a new record. Let's put it…

Watson Reviews “Sin City: A Dame to Kill For”

Directors: Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller Writers: Frank Miller Studios: Dimension Films, Troublemaker Studios, Aldamisa Entertainment, Miramax Entertainment, Demarest Films, Solipsist Films Cast: Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rosario Dawson, Bruce Willis, Eva Green, Powers Boothe, Dennis Haysbert, Ray Liotta, Jaime King, Christopher Lloyd, Jamie Chung, Jeremy Piven, Christopher Meloni, Juno Temple Release Date…

Watson’s Review of Guardians of the Galaxy

Director: James Gunn Writers: James Gunn, Nicole Perlman Studios: Marvel Studios, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures Cast: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Lee Pace, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Djimon Hounsou, John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, Benicio del Toro Release Date (UK): August 1, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 122 min “Guardians of…

Watson Reviews “Boyhood”

Director: Richard Linklater Writer: Richard Linklater Studios: Universal Pictures, IFC Films Cast: Ellar Coltrane, Patricia Arquette, Ethan Hawke, Lorelei Linklater Release Date (UK): 11 July, 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 166 min Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" is a soaringly epic yet deeply intimate journey through the life of a boy from age 5 to age 18 that…

Watson’s Review of ‘Transformers: Age of Extinction’

Director: Michael Bay Writer: Ehren Kruger Studios: Paramount Pictures, di Bonaventura Pictures, Hasbro, China Movie Channel, Jiaflix Enterprises Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Nicola Peltz, Kelsey Grammer, Jack Reynor, Sophia Myles Release Date (UK): 4 July, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 165 min I wouldn’t be at all surprised if audience members emerge from “Transformers: Age of…

Watson’s Review of “The Fault in Our Stars”

Director: Josh Boone Writers: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber Studios: 20th Century Fox, Temple Hill Entertainment Cast: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, Nat Wolff, Laura Dern, Sam Trammell, Willem Dafoe Release Date (UK): 19 June, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 125 min Lotsa snifflin’. “The Fault in Our Stars,” the new teen-oriented cancer weepy, is, like most…

Watson Reviews ’22 Jump Street’

Directors: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller Writers: Michael Bacall, Oren Uziel, Rodney Rothman Studios: Columbia Pictures, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Media Rights Capital, Original Film, Lord Miller Productions Cast: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Peter Stormare, Ice Cube Release Date (UK): June 6, 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 112 min “Everybody knows the sequel’s never quite as good,” sang Kermit the…

Watson Reviews ‘Edge of Tomorrow’

Director: Doug Liman Writers: Christopher McQuarrie, Jez Butterworth, John-Henry Butterworth Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures Cast: Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton, Brendan Gleeson Release Date (UK): May 30, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 113min “Edge of Tomorrow” might just be the greatest video game movie ever made. Only, it’s not actually based on a video game,…

Watson’s Review of “X-Men: Days of Future Past”

Director: Bryan Singer Writer: Simon Kinberg Studios: 20th Century Fox, Marvel Entertainment, Bad Hat Harry Productions, The Donners’ Company Cast: Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Peter Dinklage, Ellen Page, Nicholas Hoult Release Date (UK): May 22, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 131 min 14 years after effectively jump-starting the…

Watson Reviews: Neighbors

Director: Nicholas Stoller Writers: Andrew J. Cohen, Brendan O’Brien Studios: Universal Pictures, Point Grey Pictures, Good Universe Cast: Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, Rose Byrne, Dave Franco, Christopher Mintz-Plasse Release Date (UK): 2 May 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 97 min “Bad Neighbours,” the new comedy starring Seth Rogen and Zac Efron, is not a film for…

Watson Reviews “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”

Director: Marc Webb Writers: Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinkner Studios: Columbia Pictures, Marvel Entertainment Cast: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan, Colm Feore, Felicity Jones, Campbell Scott, Emberth Davidt, Paul Giamatti, Sally Field Release Date (UK): April 16, 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 142 min Without doubt, the absolute best thing about Sony’s…

Watson Reviews “Divergent”

Director: Neil Burger Writers: Evan Daugherty, Vanessa Taylor Studios: Summit Entertainment, Lionsgate, Red Wagon Entertainment Cast: Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Ashley Judd, Jai Courtney, Kate Winslet Release Date (UK): 4 April 2014 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 139 min Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: in a future dystopia ruled by a twisted totalitarian government,…

Watson Reviews “300: Rise of an Empire”

Director: Noam Murro Writers: Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad Studios: Legendary Pictures, Cruel and Unusual Films Cast: Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, Hans Matheson, Rodrigo Santoro Release Date (UK): 7 March 2014 Certificate: 15 Runtime: 102 min Buff, baby-oiled beefcakes prance about in bulging leather underpants, letting out roars of pure testosterone and swinging their…

Talking Nerdy, Ep. 83.5 “Alex and Charlie Do The Oscars”

In this special half episode of Talking Nerdy, Alex Gross and Charlie Lightning have an intimate Oscar Party, go crazy with Tweets, and talk drunk and nerdy about the Academy Awards. Charlie Lightning challenges Alex in past Oscar Winners, and we reveal the winners and losers on our Oscar bets! Download This Week's Episode HERE…

Watson’s Review of “Man of Steel”

Director: Zack Snyder Writer: David S. Goyer Studio: Warner Bros. Cast: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Russell Crowe, Kevin Costner, Diane Lane Release Date (UK): 14 June 2013 Certificate: 12A Runtime: 143 min A common criticism of “Superman Returns,” director Bryan Singer’s spiritual 2006 follow-up to Richard Donner’s triumphant 1980 comic-book sequel “Superman II,”…

Watson’s Review of “Life of Pi”

It is as remarkable a culture clash as I can recall. In a small, wooden lifeboat straddling the waves of the vast Pacific Ocean sits an Indian teenage boy named Pi and a fully-grown Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. Victims of a shipwreck, they sit at opposite ends of the 27-foot boat, watching the horizon…

Watson’s Review of “Skyfall”

In a breathtaking, action-drenched prologue that boosts the heart rate and then brings it to a sudden, chilling halt, James Bond adventure “Skyfall” triumphantly vanquishes the bitter aftertaste left behind by the enduring M16 agent’s previous escapade, the chronically arse-numbing “Quantum of Solace,” and boldly promises that great things are to come. It’s an audaciously…

Watson’s Review of “Alex Cross”

Detective Alex Cross must be some kind of superhuman. He waltzes into a homicide scene, informed only of the basic details of the situation, and instantly knows all that has occurred. He knows how many were involved in the killing. He knows if the victim was drugged and whether or not they screamed. He knows…

Watson’s review of ‘Total Recall’

Few will disagree that Paul Verhoeven’s planet-hopping, ultraviolent sci-fi classic “Total Recall” is utterly bonkers — those who do disagree need to order it on Netflix or buy the DVD/Blu-ray and watch it again, this time more closely. Loosely sprung from Philip K. Dick’s mind-boggling, reality-bending short story “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale,"…

Watson’s Review of The Dark Knight Rises

“The Dark Knight Rises” opens not with a whimper but with an ominous crack of heart-stopping thunder. In the clouded skies looming large over a desolate landscape in central Asia, a CIA plane manned by a cocky agent and three handcuffed mercenaries is hijacked by its prisoners, suspended nose-down in mid-air from a second, much…

Watson’s Review of TED

I doubt we will see a funnier character on the big screen this year than Ted, the eponymous secondary protagonist of “Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane’s feature-length debut. This is at first surprising for the same reason it becomes so obvious: Ted is a stuffed teddy bear, the kind you can make at a Build-A-Bear…

Watson Reviews “The Amazing Spider-Man”

“The Amazing Spider-Man” is a reboot of a blockbusting franchise that got off to a good start with “Spider-Man” in 2002, web-slung to towering new heights with “Spider-Man 2” in 2004, and lost its footing with “Spider-Man 3” in 2007. While each of those films were helmed by horror maestro Sam Raimi, this redo is…

Watson Reviews “Friends with Kids”

“Friends with Kids” is an effective comedy and an even more effective drama, though technically it’s more of a comedy. More specifically, it is a romantic comedy ostensibly not about romance but about parenthood and child-rearing, two topics that - in spite of and because of the hardships that naturally accompany them - provide direct…

Watson’s Review of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”

“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” is based on a true story, in a way. Part biopic and part action-horror film, it takes more than a few creative liberties in telling the life story of America’s 16th president, reimagining him as a professional slayer of demonic bloodsuckers. Apparently, when not governing the US of A, Mr. Lincoln…

Watson Reviews “Dark Shadows”

Tim Burton’s “Dark Shadows” is a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie - or should that be a Frankenweenie? Like Mary Shelley’s undead creature, Burton’s gothic horror-comedy is constructed from separate bits and bobs dug up from hither and thither and hurriedly stitched together without the slightest care for sightliness or collectivity. The result is indeed…

Watson’s Review of “The Avengers”

I don’t need to tell you that “Marvel’s Avengers Assemble” is the full-blown manifestation of many a comic-book nerd’s wet dream - I assume you’ve seen the film’s many marketing materials, which show Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and The Incredible Hulk heroically assembling, and have come to the exact same conclusion all by yourself.…

Watson’s Review of “Safe”

To my knowledge, “Safe” is the one and only Jason Statham vehicle to not only utilise the “odd couple” formula, but to effectively epitomise it. The film, a balls-to-the-walls actioner, is a classic case of brain and brawn, pairing a stubble-faced cockney geezer (who once rammed the barrel of a tarred-up shotgun deep inside a…

Watson’s Review of Battleship

As twenty-four young citizens from the twelve districts of Panem travel to the Capitol to take part in the annual Hunger Games, aliens from outer space are travelling to planet Earth to play a few rounds of Battleship. Following in the plodding footsteps left behind by “Skyline,” “Battle: Los Angeles” and “The Darkest Hour,” “Battleship”…

Watson’s Review of American Pie: Reunion

The characters of the “American Pie” franchise have survived high school, college and a wedding, and now it seems a reunion is on the table. Well, I say survived, but the most dangerous circumstances these horny teens ever encountered merely involved unbearable discomfort, traumatizing embarrassment and, last but not least, sexually transmitted infections (the causes…

Watson’s Review of “The Hunger Games”

In her bestselling 2008 young adult novel “The Hunger Games,” Suzanne Collins imagined a futuristic world in which a post-apocalyptic North America (now renamed “Panem") revels in the thrills of televised adolescent violence, in much the same way that our present society revels in the intimate, private dramas of “Big Brother” contestants. In his adaptation,…

Watson’s Review of “Wrath of the Titans”

It’s clash of the accents in “Wrath of the Titans,” an action-packed blockbuster sequel that’s so multicultural you’d swear you were attending or listening in on a United Nations meeting - well, you would be, had it not been for all the fire-breathing monsters and lava-spewing demons on frequent display. While apparently set in ancient…

Watson’s Review of “21 Jump Street”

You’ve gotta hand it to screenwriter Michael Bacall: he redeems himself pretty goddamn fast. Just two short weeks after the release of his last co-writing project, namely the earth-shatteringly dreadful found-footage party comedy “Project X,” Bacall has proven that his mouth-watering 2010 effort “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” wasn’t just a fluke, coming up with…

Watson’s Review of “Project X”

With a title like “Project X,” you could be forgiven for assuming that music video director Nima Nourizadeh’s feature film debut is a science-fiction film; there was, after all, a science-fiction comedy released in 1987 also called “Project X,” starring a fresh-faced Matthew Broderick alongside a trained chimpanzee named Willie. The “Project X” of 2012,…

Watson’s Review of “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”

“Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” is an absolute headache, and I’m not just talking about the sloppy 3D. What I am talking about is a furiously mediocre sequel-slash-reboot to a comic-book stinker from 2007 that saw Nicolas Cage wearing shiny biker gear and having his dodgy hairpiece set on fire along with the rest of…

Watson reviews Martin Scorsese’s Hugo

Probably the most interesting thing about 3D family film “Hugo” is that it is directed by Martin Scorsese, a filmmaker famed for his viciously violent and prodigiously potty-mouthed 18-rated flicks suitable only for mummy and daddy. Look down his filmography before the release of “Hugo” (ignoring 1993’s U-rated romance “The Age of Innocence,” which, to…

Watson Reviews “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, pt. 1”

I'd like to kick-start this review by openly stating that I, hand on heart, am an enjoyer of the first three "Twilight" movies. Now, notice I used the word "enjoyer" and not "fan;" there is a difference between the two. You see, yes, it's true, I have indeed enjoyed the opening three chapters of the…

Watson Reviews “Arthur Christmas”

Following my viewing of the newly-released festive family film “Arthur Christmas,” I’ve been furiously racking my brains (and my google machine) for other genuinely decent Christmas movies that have been released in the last ten years. I discovered that, off the top of my head, I could name only two: Jon Favreau’s “Elf” and Terry…

Watson Reviews “The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence”

One wonders if “The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)” was ever intended to be taken seriously; I suppose the same could be said for the first sequence too. You see, this full sequence rendered me confused, in that I was unsure if the rib-tickling moments, of which there are many, were an attempt at dark…

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

And so it ends. Eight movies, all glorious; millions of fans, all utterly devoted; billions of dough flooding the bank, all very much deserved. The "Harry Potter" franchise truly has become a gigantic staple of contemporary popular culture, each magical movie wonderfully adapted from the beloved series of bestselling books written by celebrated British author…

I Love Movies, But I Hate Yours: The Hangover II and Kung Fu Panda 2

The Hangover Part II In a predictable world, Todd Phillips' "The Hangover Part II" would be utterly dreadful. After all, it is an over-marketed sequel to one of 2009's biggest box-office smashes, an R-rated comedy which was essentially a much better orchestrated copycat of 2000's "Dude, Where's My Car?" set in Sin City, aka Las…

I Love Movies, But I Hate Yours: Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides

The "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise is like an increasingly annoying friend who's come over to your house one night for dinner. While at first charming and entertaining, the friend telling you some wonderful stories, he has a little too much wine to drink, causing him to become a bit unstable and loud, banging his…

I Love Movies, But I Hate Yours: Something Borrowed, Priest, and Attack the Block

SOMETHING BORROWED The purpose of a love story is to enchant an audience with a tale of passion and romance, to entrance them with characters who fall for each other in spite of what is put in place to separate them and keep them from holding and caressing and kissing each other. Luke Greenfield's "Something…

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Water for Elephants

Once again distancing himself from his vampiric role in the cash-guzzling "Twilight" franchise, English heart-throb Robert Pattinson is taking another dip into the un-supernatural romantic drama section. Last year saw him falling for a daughter of a detective in Allen Coulter's amiable "Remember Me," and now this year he's falling for the wife of a…

SuperDPS Review of Black Swan

I've never been much of a fan of ballet. I admire the art form, I'm astonished by the skill of the performers, but, like opera, I wouldn't be particularly fond of sitting in a theatre and watching an entire show. Perhaps I'm not arty or tasteful enough, but I'd most likely end up just imagining…

The Last Exorcism

What is it with films about demonic possession and girls in white nighties with long, greasy hair? The Exorcist, The Exorcism of Emily Rose and now Daniel Stamm's The Last Exorcism each depict this once striking, now tame imagery, undeniably copying visuals from William Friedkin's seminal 1973 hit about 12-year-old Linda Blair being possessed by…

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

Bill Murray once compared the end of the world at the hands of an evil god to cats and dogs living together. "Mass hysteria," he said in 1984's comedy classic Ghostbusters. Turns out this silly comparison may be appropriate, as in Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, the two usually feuding furry animals…

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Salt

When you're a screenwriter with a filmography containing such naff films as Equilibrium, Ultraviolet and Law Abiding Citizen, I wouldn't really put much credit to your name. The first is dull, the second is unforgivably terrible and the third is unrightfully smug. The only half-decent film Kurt Wimmer has scribed is 2003's The Recruit, yet…

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Jerry Bruckheimer. This famous name which most moviegoers have no doubt heard of pretty much sums up every single aspect of The Sorcerer's Apprentice. If you've seen any of the flicks which this guy is involved in you'll know exactly what to expect; all glamorous style and substantially minuscule substance all wrapped up in a…

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Vampires Suck

Why? A simple question. Why? An adverb meant to express puzzlement and curiosity. Why in the holy bejesus fuck are Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg still working in the film business? How the shitting dolphin rotten bitch cunt they are able to get their "movies" financed, put into production and actually released in theatres for…

The Last Airbender

I want you to picture Stanley Kubrick. A brilliant director, considered by many to be a genius and one of the greatest filmmakers who has ever lived. You picturing him? Right, I now want you to picture Uwe Boll, a man who is heavily thought of as the epitome of bad film making, a man…

Splice

You know The SyFy channel that airs in the UK? In case you don't, let me fill you in. The SyFy channel is a TV station which regularly airs cheap, low-budget science fiction movies that are more often than not absolutely atrociously awful. They're laughable, they're poorly made and they're painful to watch on most…

OK, you cunts. Let’s see what you can do now…

It has become increasingly clear that the day of Batman and Robin is over. No longer will comic book inspired movies have an underlying need to appeal to the goofy broad base of children and popcorn shovelers. Are there bad comic book adaptations? Absolutely--but KICK-ASS is not one of them. KICK-ASS is set in a…

Let’s Talk About ‘Shutter Island’

As long as everyone is talking about the latest Martin Scorsese thriller, Shutter Island, let's take a moment to examine it in detail. Martin Scorsese is one of my favorite directors, and if he's not one of yours, then you probably don't like movies--or, at least, you don't like good movies. Fact. By all definitions…

Anderson’s New Kid-Flick is ‘Fantastic’

At a time when we adult moviegoers have a fairly decent and varying menu of cinema to choose from, why is it that the best films I've seen have been meant for children? Though it sounds stubborn and pretentious, I have a difficult time bringing myself to frequent films that are rated anything less than 'R.'…

The Greatest Story Never Told: A Wholly Unbalanced Review of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’

If you've never done drugs and for some reason you have the natural instinct to be curious about what all of the hubbub is aboot, save your time, effort, and inevitable physical breakdown and just see Where the Wild Things Are. Typically, in a review for a children's film, you wouldn't see the phrase "fucking…

Movies That Shouldn’t Be Coming Out

In retrospect, there are hundreds, if not thousands of divisive and objectively terrible movies that should have never been made...But, until we develop some kind of time machine (and we I will), we have to settle for the morbid reality that most of us won't live long enough to travel back through history and tell…

Porn Star Adrianna Nicole’s Ten Reasons Why I Probably Don’t Want to Hang Out With You

1) You are a heterosexual male/female using the word 'Fag' in a pejorative manner. 2) You are a woman with a child who told the child's father 'of course I'm on the pill' in order to make the selfish decision to have a child just that, all your decision. What ever 'smart' reasons you might…

Absolutely Taken by Taken

Movies come out on DVD/Blu Ray faster than they ever have on any other media, which is why seeing movies in theaters (unless it's for a damn good reason) is fading into the dark realm of the obsolete. When I say "good reason," I mean "good fucking reason." This would include epic films that would…

You Will Watch (and Love) the Watchmen!

Yesterday I saw WATCHMEN in IMAX. I'm going to attempt to systematically lay out this "review" so that you can read the things you want and NOT read the things you DON'T want. At the very bottom, there will be a list of items that were in the comic but not in the movie...this will…

An Open Letter to Art School Kids

Dear Pretentious Indie Art School Douche, I just needed to tell you a few things about how the world works.  Now you may think you have an “artistic vision” or are “special” in some way.  You do not and are not.  I understand as an eighteen year old you had dreams to become an artist…

Leave Christian Bale ALONE!!

(...and Why the Entertainment Media is Killing Film.) So the biggest news in the Hollywood sewing circle of course is the Christian Bale tirade. If you are a noble woodland creature and do not know about this, Christian Bale had a huge blowout with a Cinematographer who kept walking by in the middle of the…