This week, a Federal Judge in Philadelphia approved the city's (and the nation's) first "safe" heroin injection site for operation. The nonprofit organization, Safehouse, whose goal it is to establish legal opium dens all across the city, put up a long battle against various communities and attorneys over this proposal. However, one can't help but… Continue reading The Sordid State of Safe Injection Sites
The Historic Collapse of the Wissahickon
The strange death of the Wissahickon Valley has seemingly come out of nowhere. But with denial, hang-wringing, and a refusal to accept any accountability for their own domestic and social policies, the people of Philadelphia are ensuring it will only get worse.
The ‘Nanette’ Delusion
(The following editorial is a matter of opinion. The author has no inside knowledge of the subject and all thoughts herein are purely speculative in nature.) Hannah Gadsby, the Australian performance artist masquerading as a comedienne, rose to international prominence through her interminably turgid Netflix special, "Nanette." The hubris gained from being suddenly world-famous has turned Gadsby… Continue reading The ‘Nanette’ Delusion
2018-2019 Sailor Twift Club Celebrity Downfall Pool-Party!
MAX POOL PARTY SIZE: 10 Members Alex G's Pool Party: Pete Davidson Peter KM's Pool Party: Tom Hanks Tom NM's Pool Party: Artie Lange Sean P's Pool Party: Rob Reiner Emimem
Is Harvey Weinstein the Iceberg…or Just the Tip?
In the past week, we've seen a very carefully orchestrated and targeted media campaign to officially sink the often-accused and decades-long-known serial Hollywood Creep, Harvey Weinstein. There isn't much to explain that articles from The New Yorker, New York Times, etc haven't already covered; but these allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior (to say the least) have been… Continue reading Is Harvey Weinstein the Iceberg…or Just the Tip?
Is Philly’s Octavius Catto Monument a Warning?
Despite being oversaturated with historic monuments, murals, structures, and artifacts in the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and specifically the city of Philadelphia, it is endlessly troubling how detached our citizens seem to be from that history. Recently, a small, but nevertheless obnoxious, group of individuals led by Councilwoman-at-Large and Asian spirit who kills you seven… Continue reading Is Philly’s Octavius Catto Monument a Warning?
Prophets of Rage is a Cringe Masterpiece
You may have already forgotten (good for you) that the "rap rock supergroup" Prophets of Rage formed last year featuring most of Rage Against the Machine/AudioSlave, two members of Public Enemy, and B-Real of Cypress Hill. The amalgamation of middle-aged artists who have never written a good song in their 30+ years in the industry (with the possible exception of… Continue reading Prophets of Rage is a Cringe Masterpiece
Philly Combats History with SJW Propaganda
Yesterday, a publicly funded organization called Monument Lab unveiled its latest Fall installment at Dilworth Park in Center City Philadelphia. The "monument" is an 800 lb. statue of an afro pick topped with a "Black Power" fist...because a slogan and symbol associated with African American terrorist groups like The Black Panthers is seen by the social… Continue reading Philly Combats History with SJW Propaganda
You Might Be a Fascist If…
I'd like to say that violent protests and hyperbolic political discourse in the streets throughout our country was a new phenomenon; that our "Cheeto Dictator" President--or whatever--has inspired some insane reactionary hate movement. Fortunately, despite what your illiterate Facebook friends may think, that's not the case. But unfortunately, this kind of assault on western values, common… Continue reading You Might Be a Fascist If…
Rox Trash Radio, Ep. 42: Chasing Enid
The chronicles of our trip to Enid, OK / Fly Film Festival, Auto Shop and lap Alfredo / A Song of Fire and Fire with Game of Thrones / American Airlines finally gets us home / Roxborough Night Market / A Festival of Alt-Lights / We are men, not Nazis / Tragedy in Charlottesville /… Continue reading Rox Trash Radio, Ep. 42: Chasing Enid
How to solve your normie Identity Crisis in 2017
Are you having a panic attack? Trouble breathing? Does it seem like the whole world is going insane, slowly crashing down around you as you spiral into a bottomless pit of depression and despair? Well, don't worry--you're in a good current year for your delusions of grandeur, body dysmorphia and political posturing. And because everyone seems… Continue reading How to solve your normie Identity Crisis in 2017
When the Frog Went to War
Last night, Americans were unnerved by the breaking news that Trump had ordered an artillery strike on the Syrian Air Force base from which planes carrying "Chemical Weapons" had supposedly launched an attack on the rebel-controlled town of Khan Sheikhoun. As I argued in a previous article, this "Chemical Attack" likely never occurred at all. But,… Continue reading When the Frog Went to War
I’d Like to Buy the World a Pepsi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA5Yq1DLSmQ In the latest example of "dipshit social justice grandstanding" the bewildered and misguided Left have managed to get Pepsi (the sugar-water you get when the restaurant doesn't have Coke-brand sugar-water) to pull their latest long-form advertisement from the Interwebz. The ad, to anyone with a fucking brain in their skull, mimics the sentiment of the classic-but-cringe 1971 Coca… Continue reading I’d Like to Buy the World a Pepsi
Syria: The Tale That Wags the War Dogs
As the world gains more insight into the avalanche of reporting about alleged Syrian Chemical Attacks, we begin to see that things might not be all that they seem in the Islamist Petri Dish of the Middle East. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18lf1kpBgRk Over the years, much of the Western World has been keeping Syrian President Bashar al-Assad at a… Continue reading Syria: The Tale That Wags the War Dogs
Celebrities Don’t Get Sick of Losing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6mfjJIxgSM We all love when celebrities get involved in political issues. Leonardo DiCaprio likes to step-up for the environment. Mark Ruffalo generates fake footage of tap water being set on fire to increase his points about the dangers of fracking. Emma Watson stands up for women by spreading lies about wage gaps and rapping with Lin-Manuel Miranda. Shailene Woodley tells… Continue reading Celebrities Don’t Get Sick of Losing
Phuck the Philly Soda Tax
On January 1st, Philadelphia became the first major city (the other being Berkeley) to enact a Soda Tax, a citywide tax increase on drinks with added sugar at a rate of 1.5 cents per ounce. For example, a gallon of sweetened tea that used to cost $1.77 now fucks your shit up for $3.69 because of an… Continue reading Phuck the Philly Soda Tax
Sinbad and the Mandela Effect
A term coined by paranormal consultant Fiona Broome, the Mandela Effect simply describes an event or series of events that a large group of people agree played out differently than they did in real life. It comes from the cognitive phenomenon that a large group of surveyed individuals believed that Nelson Mandela died in prison in the… Continue reading Sinbad and the Mandela Effect
Pony Up, Daddy! The End of the American Father
It's been a rough road for the American dad. From their portrayal in commercials since commercials existed, to being walked all over in every HGTV reality show where he's forced into living in a Tiny House, or choosing between identical paint swatches, the USA Daddy has been dragged into his role as the castrated fool. Dads don't… Continue reading Pony Up, Daddy! The End of the American Father
It’s the Most Problematic Song of the Year!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6d-4aOi3AzQ Every Christmas season we hear the same old classic tunes flowing through the speakers in our retail stores and Christ-forbid: car radios. Seriously, anyone who complains about what's "on the radio" needs to usher themselves into the 21st Century. We get the occasional new novelty songs, a cappella groups desperately trying to make Christmas… Continue reading It’s the Most Problematic Song of the Year!
Obligatory Ranking of ‘Black Mirror’ Episodes from OK to OMG
As I'd mentioned in a previous article, Black Mirror--the so-far 13-episode long cinematic series on Channel 4 and Netflix respectively--has quickly became a favorite of mine due to its thematic elements, style, and ability to fuck my shit up royally for a few days at a time. Everyone who reviews this show, aside from insisting that it… Continue reading Obligatory Ranking of ‘Black Mirror’ Episodes from OK to OMG
If Trump Destroys Your Sex Life, It’s Your Problem
Recently, a writer for Cosmopolitan.com decided to share the sordid details of the rapid decline of her mental health and sex life with her husband, a man, all due to anxiety over the 2016 election; more specifically, Donald Judas Trump. Laura Hooper Beck could be mentally unstable, bordering on dangerous. Who knows for sure? Only the… Continue reading If Trump Destroys Your Sex Life, It’s Your Problem
3 Ninjas Taught Us How to Prep for a Kidnapping
Yeah, sure--the whole karate thing is cool when you’re a kid and you think that you actually have the ability to be become a karate master like Rocky, Colt, and Tum-Tum. Well guess what, bub! You never had the ability and you never will! You’re an adult and now you’re lessons are to be learned… Continue reading 3 Ninjas Taught Us How to Prep for a Kidnapping
Why the F*ck Do They Say F*ck on Netflix’s The Ranch?
Netflix released part 2 of season 1 of their nostalgia, middle America fueled fever dream called The Ranch. With all of vibes of a cheesy sitcom, which is fine if that’s what it is, comes the need to not be like network television, or standard cable for that matter, and throw around fucks like there… Continue reading Why the F*ck Do They Say F*ck on Netflix’s The Ranch?
Vote for Yourselves (For All I Care)
First thing's fucking first, I get it--this election has been pretty nuts. Not unpredictably nuts, but a level of bizarre we can all deal with, should we be mentally stable individuals. Most of us aren't. And it seems that you guys--gentle readers--are almost certainly more out-of-touch than any of the current candidates are. But, having said… Continue reading Vote for Yourselves (For All I Care)
It’s Official! Obama Born in the USA!
Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, the debate is officially over Donald J. Trump has confirmed Barack Obama was born in The United States of America! After years of doubt the only man with all the answers was able to speak to the American people and confirm, Barack Obama was born in the U.S.A.… Continue reading It’s Official! Obama Born in the USA!
A Dramatic Reading: Lena Dunham VS Amy Schumer
https://youtu.be/Dn2OSU9RXwA Recently, Girls creator and alleged kiddy-diddler Lena Dunham sent out the latest round of her Lenny Newsletter which contained a one-on-one interview with her buddy Amy Schumer. The interview was utter nonsense and did no justice to either party, but in the end, Lena Dunham came out looking the most like an erratic sociopath. So, on the… Continue reading A Dramatic Reading: Lena Dunham VS Amy Schumer
8/22/16 Kanye Wrote a Poem About McDonald’s
Credit: Kanye West From: BoysDontCry.co McDonalds Man McDonalds Man The French Fries Had A Plan The French Fries Had A Plan The Salad Bar And The Ketchup Made A Band Cus The French Fries Had A Plan The French Fries Had A Plan McDonalds Man McDonalds I Know Them French Fries Had A Plan I Know… Continue reading 8/22/16 Kanye Wrote a Poem About McDonald’s
Suicide Squad Introduces Fall Fashion to Summer
As of this writing, Suicide Squad, the potential ground-breaking trip down the DC Comics Cinematic Universe rabbit hole, sits at a whopping 26% among critics on Rotten Tomatoes. But this flick is so fucking hardcore, they're not going to let a little issue like being absolutely awful spoil their fun--no, sir. Imagine a Skrillex music video played at… Continue reading Suicide Squad Introduces Fall Fashion to Summer
Talking Nerdy, Ep. 202: What About Brexit at Tiffany’s?
Dan spends two weeks researching Sex and the City / Politicians behaving like children, and actual children behaving like politicians / Down goes Bernie / Does anyone actually care about the Brexit? / There is no gun control / Game of Thrones gives us the episode we've all been waiting for / Joe gets the goosies /… Continue reading Talking Nerdy, Ep. 202: What About Brexit at Tiffany’s?
Talking Nerdy, Ep. 136: Threesomes and Assholes
In this episode, we speculate on Dan's threesome that may or may not have actually happened and relive the best and worst moments from the neighborhood bar crawl. We treat you to another thrilling installment of JOSE-CAN-SAY-SO and play the Rotten Tomatoes game. In the aftermath of Philadelphia's winter mess, we welcome the (still slippery)… Continue reading Talking Nerdy, Ep. 136: Threesomes and Assholes
Talking Nerdy, Ep. 108: Fireside and Firebombs with Conrad Benner
Streets Dept founder Conrad Benner joins us to talk nerdy about street art, counterculture, and haters on Facebook. We cover the violent climate of Ferguson, MO and the unfounded hatred of the ALS Cold Water Challenge! We finish out the episode with some Bachelor Party stories, getting shot in the nuts, and a rousing game… Continue reading Talking Nerdy, Ep. 108: Fireside and Firebombs with Conrad Benner
Reese Witherspoon Treated Like a Petty Commoner
The best part of this video, released this week, isn't Witherspoon's indignant response to her overly delayed arrest, it's not her pompous and brazen attitude as she shouts "Do you know my name?" or "This is going to be national news!" No, sir. The most wonderful part of this video is when her husband, Jim… Continue reading Reese Witherspoon Treated Like a Petty Commoner
Lindsay Lohan is Checkin’ In!
It's just another day in the uncontrollable and unpredictable life of Lindsay Lohan. The not-quite-legal events of yesterday wherein Lohan skirted her 90 days of rehabilitation in her home state of New York have come to a close. Her lawyer, Mark Heller, told a judge that she had actually checked in to Morningside Rehab in… Continue reading Lindsay Lohan is Checkin’ In!
Jesus Christ, Amanda Bynes
I'm not a fan of paparazzi and getting into celebrities' business or hassling them on the street. I do, however, fully support swift and immediate scrutinization when they create their own controversies just for attention. #AmandaPlease
Inappropriate Commercial (of the moment)
from (company). To put some context in of how horrified I was with this trailer, it was played in the movie theater prior to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2.
WTF is this?! (of the moment)
from 40OZpimp. I'm not sure exactly what I'm watching, but I can't look away. I didn't think anyone could out-redneck the entire audience of a Professional Wrestling event, but it's happened. The only good thing that could possibly come of this would be if black people can disregard the apparent racist bullshit in exchange for… Continue reading WTF is this?! (of the moment)
A Farewell to Ryan Dunn
I was taken by surprise this morning when I woke up to learn that Ryan Dunn had been in a fatal car crash. The news was broken (or at least confirmed) by April Margera, the mother of fellow "Jackass" and "CKY" star Bam Margera, on the Preston and Steve radio show. In the beginning, we… Continue reading A Farewell to Ryan Dunn
VH1 to bring back ‘Pop Up Videos’
Get your present-face ready. You know, that expression you get when someone gives you a gift that you really don't want but you have to act as enthused as your mind can handle? That's the one. VH1 has made the nostalgia of the Nickelodeon generation (that is, adults born in the eighties to early-nineties) their… Continue reading VH1 to bring back ‘Pop Up Videos’
Death Lessons from Terrorist Leader Osama bin Laden
You may know him as Usāmah bin Muḥammad bin ʿAwaḍ bin Lādin, but he will always be Osama to us. He has been on the FBI's list of Most Wanted Fugitives and Most Wanted Terrorists from 1998 for his role in the US Embassy bombings, but perhaps most famously, he was the acting head of… Continue reading Death Lessons from Terrorist Leader Osama bin Laden
Things Men Should Not do
No man shall watch porn with a group of other men. There's nothing creepier than sitting around a bunch of guys watching pornography. There's absolutely no reason to. No circumstance can ever justify this, it's just wrong. You don't exchange conversations or laughter with other party members, there's no commentary being offered or cheers, just… Continue reading Things Men Should Not do
Donald Trump: Genius or Chump?
Trump has been a media icon for decades. And while I have to give him props for graduating from the Wharton School at University of Pennsylvania, and for having the wherewithal to effectively turn the company his father worked tirelessly to create into his own person piggy bank, I somehow doubt his honesty and credibility.… Continue reading Donald Trump: Genius or Chump?
All Good Things Must Come to an End
All good things must come to an end, right? When something good ends prematurely, it is often missed the most. When it is out of your control, it is that much more frustrating. This goes for jobs, experiences, friendships, and really anything that is finite. Especially good TV shows. As a kid, my tastes were… Continue reading All Good Things Must Come to an End
Semi-Important Thoughts on Truth and Football
Two unrelated but equally intriguing thoughts have been rattling in my brain over the Thanksgiving holiday. Oddly, it’s taken a fair bit of moving around the procrastinating in my schedule to find the time to formally write them down. While it’s true that the magnitude of my procrastination has reached epic proportions, I am yet… Continue reading Semi-Important Thoughts on Truth and Football
I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Saw VII
I think it's a reasonable statement to say that the Saw series has lost its way. What was once a fairly intelligent torture parade with a tantalizing villain has been spun into a simple-minded blood 'n guts affair with its liquidated brains leaking out from its repeatedly bludgeoned skull. It's become the thing that many… Continue reading I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Saw VII
Google Answers Your Most Popular Racist Questions
Stereotypes are typically based on misconceptions, ideologies, or common traits that were observed or created in an attempt to disparage or discredit an entire group of people. They can be positive or negative, but either way--their main purpose is to create an pseudo-understanding of a culture that we disconnect ourselves from and make no real… Continue reading Google Answers Your Most Popular Racist Questions
The Top Ten Bands Ruining Music
Let's start off with a bit of honesty: I have listened to some pretty shitty music in my time, and I'm sure many of the bands I enjoy, some of you would find objectionable--but that isn't the point. This is a list of bands that I feel that I can make a strong case against;… Continue reading The Top Ten Bands Ruining Music
I think it's fair to say that Sylvester Stallone is living in the past. Back in the day when men were men and guns were bazookas, Sly was running around a jungle, building intricate booby traps with a bunch of sticks and blasting away psychotic gunmen in grocery stores. He was an all-out action star,… Continue reading The Expendables
I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Bill Murray once compared the end of the world at the hands of an evil god to cats and dogs living together. "Mass hysteria," he said in 1984's comedy classic Ghostbusters. Turns out this silly comparison may be appropriate, as in Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, the two usually feuding furry animals… Continue reading I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
We Watched The Human Centipede So You Don’t Have to
Watson: There are some films out there that just make you want to puke. These recently titled "torture porn" flicks, so-called horror films intended to make the viewer question whether or not to continue eating their tuna sandwich, is a current and popular trend amongst cinema goers. The Saw franchise and the two Hostel video… Continue reading We Watched The Human Centipede So You Don’t Have to
Jersey Shore: Miami…that makes sense.
I'm certain if you're reading this, you're most likely already a die-hard fan of the epic television masterpiece, Jersey Shore--the reality TV phenomenon that introduced the world to remarkable human beings like Snooki, The Situation, and DJ Paulie D. Because you're such a fan of the show, you've no doubt heard that MTV has picked… Continue reading Jersey Shore: Miami…that makes sense.
I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Vampires Suck
Why? A simple question. Why? An adverb meant to express puzzlement and curiosity. Why in the holy bejesus fuck are Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg still working in the film business? How the shitting dolphin rotten bitch cunt they are able to get their "movies" financed, put into production and actually released in theatres for… Continue reading I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Vampires Suck
Roger Ebert will Haunt Your Dreams
First off, just so this little blurb doesn't reek of cyber-bullying, I have nothing but respect for Roger Ebert. He's made some pretty brainless comments, like when he made his feelings known about how video games could never be considered "art." But, he's also held some astonishingly relevent stances--like his opinions about how new 3D… Continue reading Roger Ebert will Haunt Your Dreams
The Last Airbender
I want you to picture Stanley Kubrick. A brilliant director, considered by many to be a genius and one of the greatest filmmakers who has ever lived. You picturing him? Right, I now want you to picture Uwe Boll, a man who is heavily thought of as the epitome of bad film making, a man… Continue reading The Last Airbender
Ten 90’s Trends That Need to Make a Comeback
Fuck nostalgia. Everything that disappeared from popular culture probably disappeared for a good reason. Sorry, Gary--it was your time. We moved on, possibly through some theory of memetics; on to bigger and better things. But at the same time, it seems like many things are heading backwards. In a future that we were promised virtual… Continue reading Ten 90’s Trends That Need to Make a Comeback
Alice in Wonderland (DVD Review)
A doorknob once said, "Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.” I guess Tim Burton skipped this part of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as he decided not to read the directions of the children's favourite when making his own film adaptation of it. Alas, it was not… Continue reading Alice in Wonderland (DVD Review)
BP–British Petroleum OR Biggest Pricks EVER!? (the E is silent)
How BP President, Tony Hayward, isn't literally going door to door in the Gulf coast offering blowjobs to the locals is beyond me. He is chairman of a company that is single-handedly destroying our planet worse than SEX AND THE CITY 2. SCOOBY-DOO! And now BP is asking for tax money to help with the… Continue reading BP–British Petroleum OR Biggest Pricks EVER!? (the E is silent)
TIWTHU: Philly Edition!
Good day to you, my fellow Americans--and welcome to the first in a hopefully-not-ill-fated series I like to call "This Is Why They Hate Us." Who hates us? Well, not everyone, of course--but many do. Perhaps "hate" is too strong of a word--maybe the rest of the world just resents us for how we throw… Continue reading TIWTHU: Philly Edition!
The Top 50 Best Album Covers EVER
When compiling a list of the top of anything, one must consider quite a few things. It would be too easy to go with the staples of cover art. You wouldn't have to dig too deep to find gems like The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band or Pink Floyd's The Wall. Once we… Continue reading The Top 50 Best Album Covers EVER
Battlefield: South Park
Well, it's official, kids. The terrorists have won. They won in Denmark, they won in England, and now they've won in America. It's a shame, really. So many of our country's young men and women have sacrificed their lives to defend our "freedom." They died for nothing. Perhaps I sound rather nonchalant about this whole… Continue reading Battlefield: South Park
Canada’s Most Wanted Time Traveler
The Internets are buzzing with the news of an alleged "Time Traveler" caught on camera in a museum photo in Canada. The practically seamless advances in photo-editing technology have caused many to play guessing games, and others to simply not give a shit. Here is the photograph in question--taken in the 1940's: While the possibility… Continue reading Canada’s Most Wanted Time Traveler
The Death of the Game Show
A funny thing happened while channel-surfing today. Do people still use that term? "Channel Surfing?" Anyways, when I say "funny," I mean: horrifying. If there is true evil in the world, its name is Minute To Win It. NBC in their infinite wisdom has picked up on a sure-thing: a game show that's so frustrating… Continue reading The Death of the Game Show
Toyota – Moving TOO Forward.
Toyota has been recalling a lot of their cars (roughly 8.5 million vehicles recalled in the US) with problems due to involuntary acceleration, power steering, and it's brakes on it's new hybrid models like the Prius. 34 deaths so far have been contributed to these problems a lot having to do with the in-car computers.… Continue reading Toyota – Moving TOO Forward.
Life Lessons from Tita Sin
The First Time I Ever got naked online my whole family passed my photos around (sad but true)! I got over it and continue to nude-up to this day. With the power of a god, I would...HAHAHA you do NOT want to know, let's just say I'd give a few people the inability to speak,… Continue reading Life Lessons from Tita Sin
I AM A MOTHERFUCKER: The Dangers of Public Transportation
It's time for America's favorite game-show: GUESS WHAT HAPPENS! I shouldn't spoil it for you, but this breaking news story is just fucking crazy. Everything in this video comes together with the grace and beauty of an elegant poem: The old white giant wearing the "I AM A MOTHERFUCKER" t-shirt, the little Luda black guy… Continue reading I AM A MOTHERFUCKER: The Dangers of Public Transportation
Dear John (an article about John Mayer, racism, and moderation)
In case you haven't heard, Singer / songwriter John Mayer did an interview with Playboy and certain remarks he made within the interview, sparked some controversy. And just like any good celeb who has a case of verbal dysentery, the press throws the chum into the waters and it becomes a feeding frenzy for the… Continue reading Dear John (an article about John Mayer, racism, and moderation)
The SuperDPS Guide to Prohibition
Hopefully, we've all had a decent-enough education to know that at one point in American History, the consumption and sale of alcohol was strictly prohibited by the United States government. Fortunately, this occurred at a time in History when our government could learn from their mistakes and push "we fucked up" initiatives after stupid decisions… Continue reading The SuperDPS Guide to Prohibition
Dear Target Audience for SPARTACUS: Blood and Sand…
Sorry to barge in uninvited like this. You don't know me but I am very curious about you. I have two very important questions that may or may not confuse or disorient you, and for that I apologize in advance--but do you actually exist?--and if so--who the fuck are you? Through the mixed blessing of… Continue reading Dear Target Audience for SPARTACUS: Blood and Sand…
How Hilarious Would it be…
According to the Telegraph in the UK--I know, why should you give a shit?--an Indian geneticist has taken blood samples from the Taliban's Pashtun Afridi tribe and comparing it to the DNA of Israeli Jews. "Why is this little brown geneticist wasting his time?" you may ask... Well, there is a strong possibility that the current… Continue reading How Hilarious Would it be…
I’m Brian, and the Segway Ruined my Life
As you know, we've just ushered in a new decade. We are no longer in the "zeroes" or the "aughties," we are officially in the--I don't know--the "tens(?)" The last decade has brought us some of the most incredible inventions that we now take for granted. One of these numerous technological marvels has served to… Continue reading I’m Brian, and the Segway Ruined my Life
Will Someone Please Explain The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus?
This past Saturday, I was wandering about in downtown Philadelphia. I bought tickets for a movie, enjoyed a beer, and then two hours of my life disappeared in a cataclysmic event that I can only attribute to the random, staggering madness of Mr. Terry Gilliam. Upon viewing the trailer for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus,… Continue reading Will Someone Please Explain The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus?
I Lost Interest in Music in 2009: Billboard’s Top 25
I used to like music. Really. I tried to follow all of the newest up-and-coming bands, went to concerts regularly, attempted to stay on top of what music was getting popular. Now I don't give a shit anymore...and here's why. There is a wonderful quote from Kanye West in which he proclaims himself the voice… Continue reading I Lost Interest in Music in 2009: Billboard’s Top 25
While We Sleep, Scientists are Hard at Work…
Citizens of our great nation--fear not! There are many elements that haunt this world we live in which may be beyond your control, but please do not worry. Science is on the case. You see...cancer, AIDS, climate change, biological engineering, the future of all life on earth...they aren't just small potatoes, they're just fucking stupid.… Continue reading While We Sleep, Scientists are Hard at Work…
‘Jersey Shore’–Now You’re Fucking Stuck with it
The MTV masterpiece Jersey Shore premiered this past week and the media is already foutraged (fake-outraged). Have we not seen this shit before? How many times have the socially bewildered and functionally retarded been wheeled out for our amusement via Reality Television? From obviously staged and/or encouraged cat-fights, to douches being douches, MTV has never disappointed its Mongoloid… Continue reading ‘Jersey Shore’–Now You’re Fucking Stuck with it
Climate Change Clusterfuck
So it turns out we were wrong again. Another era of being caught up in sensationalism and "end of the world" hysteria has come upon us. But where do we stand now? Has everything that we've come to believe about a supposed Global Warming been complete horse shit? The short answer is "yes," with an… Continue reading Climate Change Clusterfuck
The History of Chasing Enid
Some of you may know--and some may not give a shit--that I used to be in a band. It was my band...and I was in full creative control, which led to an inevitable downfall, of course. The concept began early on in High School when we first became interested in playing music. The interest in… Continue reading The History of Chasing Enid
11 Dumb Myths and Smart Facts: The Right Food for a Wrong World
Through the process of promoting an ecologically friendly and energy efficient green lifestyle, many hopelessly gullible people all over the world are caught up in the clusterfuck of misinformation--and that can be dangerous. For the purposes of this article, I'm going to concentrate on the plethora of harmful lies that you're subjected to about the food… Continue reading 11 Dumb Myths and Smart Facts: The Right Food for a Wrong World
Greetings from Gangland, Mexico!
Back in March of 2009, President Obama put plans in motion to shift 500 federal agents to the Mexican border, directing $200 Million in military monies to combat the uncontrollable--and arguably unimaginable--amount of violence directly related to drug trafficking. Their primary concern was to keep the metaphorical Mexican sewage from seeping across the fences. On March… Continue reading Greetings from Gangland, Mexico!
Pretending to Like Sports: 10 Rules to Avoid Humiliation
Though I'm not a complete pussy, an obnoxiously grandiloquent gay, or a woman...I just don't typically get into most sports. There's something about the pools of raging testosterone which--for the most part--I simply never found appealing. So, if there's a particular sport you don't necessarily like, good ol' Mr. G's got some simple solutions to… Continue reading Pretending to Like Sports: 10 Rules to Avoid Humiliation
On Life’s Major Disappointments
Following a severely damaging loss by the Phillies on Halloween night, I couldn't bring myself to feel much more than a long line of painful fucking disappointments. What's the old saying? "When life gives you lemons...kill yourself." This all spawned from one deep and emotional conversation involving a childhood memory and a long strand of… Continue reading On Life’s Major Disappointments
What Do You Know About Slavery?
Race has certainly become a hot-button issue once again. Along with stereotypes and common prejudices, there are many ways by which people of various races and creeds can be misunderstood and misconstrued. It is important to learn the facts about a background in order to better understand a people; however, history--like individuals--can often be severely… Continue reading What Do You Know About Slavery?
CraigsList Creepers: Guys VS Gals! (NSFW)
By the standards of the traditional Serial Killer, The CraigsList Killer, Philip Markoff was a huge pussy; and worse yet, he only had one successful murder under his belt. Sure he's wanted for a few robberies, but who the fuck cares? Where was your pizzazz, Markoff? You had every single other creeper on CraigsList to… Continue reading CraigsList Creepers: Guys VS Gals! (NSFW)
Alana Evans asks: So You Wanna Be a Pornstar?
We all have dreams. Every person has something they aspire to be--or become--at points in their lives. When I was young, I wanted to be an actress. Other children wanted to be doctors, firemen, police officers, and teachers. At some point, we either follow the path carved for that desire or we change directions. But… Continue reading Alana Evans asks: So You Wanna Be a Pornstar?
The Cult of the Snuggie
For those of you who may be uncertain, this is indeed a significant time in the relatively brief history of humanity. Our species has advanced to the point where we can say "go fuck yourself" to those dumb-ass blankets, quilts, and comforters that have kept us warm for so long. It's time for a new… Continue reading The Cult of the Snuggie
The SuperDPS Guide to Karaoke
Allow me to begin with a bit of unconventional news. It was a typical Friday night at a Karaoke Bar in Stamford, Connecticut when shit went south. When a 25-year old girl started singing a Juanes song, 6 bitches got hostile. First, the shouting and booing escalated...which is understandable. Then, these 6 women viciously attacked the… Continue reading The SuperDPS Guide to Karaoke
Hey Fellas–Avril Lavigne’s Single Again!
Where have I been? I know this is only a recent development, but shit--I wish I'd have known about this sooner. Evidently, after a three year marriage with Sum 41douchebag, Deryck (fucking) Whibley, Avril has kicked him to the curb, and is now subsequently free to make new and exciting shitty decisions. Perhaps her next celebrity… Continue reading Hey Fellas–Avril Lavigne’s Single Again!
Celebrity Horseshit: “Nigga Stole My Mic!”
As long as it's a hot topic, let's discuss the actions of Kanye West during the MTV VMA's, shall we? First of all--the actions took place at an award ceremony so ridiculous and unimportant--a locale so prone to spectacle--that its entire title is an acronym. Even in its name, it is screaming, "This is an… Continue reading Celebrity Horseshit: “Nigga Stole My Mic!”
Hipster on S-E-P-T-A
Let me tell you the story Of a bearded Hipster and his tragic and fateful time... Hipster grabbed his bike and kissed his Vegan Girlfriend Went to ride on the Frankford Line Did he ever return, No he never returned And his fate is still unlearn'd He may ride forever On the Market-Frankford He's the… Continue reading Hipster on S-E-P-T-A
Dear Rob Zombie, Please Come Home. We Love You.
Because going to see Rob Zombie's remake sequel masterpiece Halloween II felt like a chore wrapped up in a homework assignment, I'd better go ahead and review it, lest I find no closure in my wasted time and money. Am I being unfair? Perhaps too extreme? I'm open to your comments, but please choose your… Continue reading Dear Rob Zombie, Please Come Home. We Love You.
Tales of a Graduate Nothing
You probably wake up around the time she does. Not really by choice, that's just when the alarm goes off. You're practically conditioned at this point, you couldn't stay asleep past 6:30 if you tried, and believe me, you could really try most days... As she gets ready for work, you lay in bed, thinking… Continue reading Tales of a Graduate Nothing
WTF Happened?! The Autumn Years of The Next Generation
It may be difficult to believe that I ever really took Degrassi: The Next Generation seriously, seeing as how I'm neither Canadian, nor a teenage girl; but stay with me here. A little melodrama isn't necessarily a bad thing if it's done well. The OC was a great show with a great cast and a… Continue reading WTF Happened?! The Autumn Years of The Next Generation
Why You’re Wrong About District 9
It's no secret that the quality of film as a whole has taken a couple dozen blows to the skull. But who wields the bat/board-with-a-nail-in-it? Is it the Directors who have given up on their creative conscience? Is it the Producers who are so mired in Teen Romances and Straight-To-DVDs that they lose all vision… Continue reading Why You’re Wrong About District 9
Sex Blogger Misty Kaye’s 10 Reasons I Won’t Reply to You
Men, you suck at online dating. You're not just a little bit bad at it. You really, really suck. Yes, you've got it tough. More than half of the decent personal ads out there are just spammers in disguise, and the real girls are so inundated with potential suitors that you're likely to get lost… Continue reading Sex Blogger Misty Kaye’s 10 Reasons I Won’t Reply to You
The Fine Art of the Shitty Tattoo
Many would argue that there is really no such thing as a "shitty tattoo." It can be poorly done, a divisive image, or in a bad location, but any work of art (no matter how creative) on the body is arguably "un-shitty." I disagree entirely--surprise! And this is coming from someone with only two tattoos:… Continue reading The Fine Art of the Shitty Tattoo
The SuperDPS Guide to Un-Sexy
As an American male who has long-since been desensitized to the likes of Two Girls, One Cup, I think it's safe to say there is very little taboo in this age. You can be a sexual deviant and be a mega-star. You can be a child predator and still wind up making it big on… Continue reading The SuperDPS Guide to Un-Sexy
Sometimes Suicide IS the Solution (George Sodini and his Blog)
If you turned on the news recently, you have probably seen the story about the L.A. Fitness that some psycho shot up, killing 3 innocent women in Pittsburgh, PA. That psycho was a 48 year old man name George Sodini. Why did he do such a horrible and terrible thing? I'll let him say it… Continue reading Sometimes Suicide IS the Solution (George Sodini and his Blog)
I like projects. Ones that actually serve somewhat of a purpose so that I have a reason to finish them. I also like building shit. Putting things together to make something more awesome from their parts. Currently, I have an education in engineering, and no job, which would allow me to spend lots and lots… Continue reading MAKE!
Celebrity Horseshit: Yearbook Top Ten Edition
If you've ever used the Internet to any reasonable extent, you've probably seen tabloid photos of your favorite (or least favorite) celebs and thought "Wow, they're really just...normal fucking people." The beauty of this, of course, is that the more famous they are, the more enjoyable it is to see them fall...it's just human nature.… Continue reading Celebrity Horseshit: Yearbook Top Ten Edition
Why I Hate Canada and Want to Go Home!
Recently, I took a trip to Canada (of all fucking places); Ottawa to be specific. Naturally, I had no idea what was actually in Ottawa except for a few examples of gorgeous Gothic architecture that I could see any time I want in America through something called Google. So why does anyone travel anywhere? What… Continue reading Why I Hate Canada and Want to Go Home!
Movies That Shouldn’t Be Coming Out
In retrospect, there are hundreds, if not thousands of divisive and objectively terrible movies that should have never been made...But, until we develop some kind of time machine (and we I will), we have to settle for the morbid reality that most of us won't live long enough to travel back through history and tell… Continue reading Movies That Shouldn’t Be Coming Out