Comedy, Philly, Rant, Sports

Fantasy Football: Don’t Be That Guy

giphy (13)It’s that time of year when the men become boys, the gambling junkies get their fix, and alcoholics use one of their favorite reasons to drink – American Football.

One of the most popular ways to enjoy football is the fantasy version, heck, I do. Fantasy Football is a game for wild to mild fans and other assorted people who get tossed in to a league just to fill it out. So if you’re one of those folks who isn’t big in to football, but enjoy fantasy, here are five tips on how not to be “that guy” who is the butt of every joke, and the one the other guys ask every year, “did that guy get invited to join our league again?”

  • Do some homework:

giphy (8)OK, so it’s a week before the draft and you’re talking about picking Marshawn Lynch. Hey bozo, he retired! Remember new players are coming in to the league every year and other players are leaving so make sure you know whether or not a player you may like is still in the damn league.

Also, a player that was good 4 years ago probably isn’t as good now

“Hey I got Jimmy Graham as my TE!” Hey I’ve got news for you he isn’t as good as he was when he was with the Saints. Don’t be the goof who thinks players are good forever. You look an asshole, almost as big of an asshole as the guy who drafted Emmitt Smith when he was with Cardinals back in 2003 or Reggie Bush at any time. Get it together.

  • Don’t brag about nonsense

giphy (9)“I got the best D and the best Kicker!” You get the best load of bullshit no one cares about. Not many QB’s have bragging rights the same way WR’s or RB’s do. So if you’re bragging about defense or a kicker you’re bragging about nonsense, no one gives a shit. I’m serious, when you’re not around you’ll get the “can you believe this fucking guy?” question asked about you. Keep it chill.

  • Check your line up and adjust as needed every week

giphy (10)“Oh jeez I forgot! Haha” more like “oh jeez you’re a schmuck sucking the fun out of the game for the people who are investing their time.” If you don’t want to play anymore, offer someone to take over for you, they’re out there. If you need a break, take the 5 minutes to make sure no one in your line up is on a bye week or injured and you’re good to go.

  • Off. The. Fucking. Waiver. Wire.

giphy (11)Unless you actually have a reason to be there, fine. Otherwise leave it alone. Do you even know what you’re doing? Are you going after a particular player because you need them? Are you going to propose a trade? Just for fun because you’re bored? Cool your tits and ask a friend who isn’t in your league when the time is right. You’re approaching cunt status with excessive/unnecessary waiver wire time.

  • Relax it’s only a game

giphy (12)So you don’t watch much football, and you want to talk the talk, and you want to walk the walk, well my friend you’re OK. Everyone sucks at Fantasy Football which is what makes it fun, so relax.


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