Good day to you, my fellow Americans–and welcome to the first in a hopefully-not-ill-fated series I like to call “This Is Why They Hate Us.” Who hates us? Well, not everyone, of course–but many do. Perhaps “hate” is too strong of a word–maybe the rest of the world just resents us for how we throw our giant asses around and make a constant unwitting mockery of the rest of the planet simply by doing the normal shit we do from day to day.
Let’s start out small in this Philly Edition of the segment by bringing to light a new snack that furthers the current trend of packing more shit into everything that we eat. Our pizza has to have liquid cheese crammed into its crust, our candy bars must be filled with as much random bullshit as possible, and even our meat needs to be jammed full of so much unnecessary garbage that the best name we could come up with for it was “stuffing.”
But, I’m proud of my city for this one–and we can only aspire for bigger and better things.
We’ve finally (and officially) combined the Philly Soft Pretzel with a stuffing of Philly Cheesesteak. It’s ugly, it’s unappetizing, it’s probably delicious for the first two bites–and it will be purchased and devoured by the masses for no other reason than novelty…
…so that we can tell our friends, “Guess what the fuck I shoved down my throat today!”
(and that’s why they hate us)
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