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Joe’s Sloppy 2009: Year in Review

I know this is long overdue but it’s one of those things that you have to do. Like talk to relatives! 2009 has not been the best year for me. In fact, it was quite possibly the worst. Started out with my grandfather passing away (his funeral being the day right before my birthday), my mother getting diagnosed with breast cancer, our house getting broken into ( a week after she was diagnosed), rising insurance rates on my car, getting laid off from my job, and my two year relationship with my girlfriend ended. Oh and my cat got hit by a car and killed. On my sister’s birthday.

But moving on in lightning speed headlines of hilarity (in no particular order and if you don’t know them, google them dammit).

I became a Super Dude in the beginning of last year (which Alex is probably banging his head on the desk for as we speak).

One of these boys is our new President...

George W. Bush got the hell out of office and the first African American president was elected. Finally the guy I voted for actually got elected.

Madoff goes to Jail! (get it?! like Madea goes to jail? You know that’s funnier than anything Tyler Perry has ever done, so stop rolling your eyes).

Governer Rod Blagojevich missed his calling as a ticket scalper.

The Sahalis and the Heenes both made themselves look like assholes on national television in attempts to get their own reality tv shows. I guess the reality is that they are in fact assholes! See, no need to go on tv and waste anymore airtime than you already have!

Kayne didn’t think Taylor Swift’s video was the best female video of the year. Leno got back at Kayne with a “yo momma” joke and made him cry. Oh that Kayne! Coming this fall to CBS.

Michael Jackson died, boys pants were at half mast that day. (and the hate mail comes in 3..2…1…)

Patrick Swayze is in the big Roadhouse in the sky kicking angels in the face and dancing in leather pants.

Farrah Fawcett passed away after a grueling battle with cancer. (no joke there)

Billy Mays, no longer here.

Brittany Murphy, where were you Clive Owen?! (that’s a Sin City reference joke folks, go watch it)

David Letterman is a pimp!

Chris Brown: Come least he's not Michael Vick

Chris Brown auditioned to play the role of Ike Turner in the remake of “What’s love got to do with it?”

John and Kate plus 8 -1 = Psychotic crazy devil woman and cheating thieving bastard plus 8!

Super Dude Dave and Super Dudette Michelle got married and even went so far as to be responsible for inviting me to their wedding!! Super Dudette Laura was also married in 2009!!!

A sequel was made about that movie with fangless, abstinent, glittery vampires. The ozone layer was destroyed by the intense reflection from smiling teenaged girls with braces all across america.

District 9 came out! Finally a breath of fresh air in sci fi films that isn’t sucked out by George Lucas.

Star Trek nerds were pissed about the remake, people who get laid were not.

The Hangover, finally they made a story about my life!

Up…. didn’t see that one.

Avatar was awesome. It had to be. If I waited that long in line and it sucked, someone was getting kidney punched. And by kidney punch I mean decapitated and set on fire. I left a bit of a mess after seeing X-Men Origins : Wolverine. Oops đŸ˜›

Transformers : Revenge of the fallen. Not much to meet the eye. I blame that for my failed relationship. Fuckin robots…

The Year of Innuendos about the name "Woods"

Tiger Woods Pro Golf 2009 rated M for mature. Contains, brief nudity, sexual references, and your wife BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

I wasted my life on:

Batman : Arkham Asylum (best superhero game ever made)

Resident Evil 5 disappointed me (and I’m a huge fan of the series)

Beatles Rockband, Assassins Creed 2 ( addicting and awesome)

Left 4 Dead 2 ( fun and frustrating)

Prototype ( disguising yourself as an old woman and scaling up buildings while tearing someone into pieces had never been this fun since season 5 of Golden Girls. RIP Bea Arthur.)

Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Athena ( two very fun games in one fueled by Vin Diesel the muscle nerd)

Ghostbusters (not the greatest game but man did I have nostalgic tears streaming down my face)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (a game where the actual video game is better than the movie. I’m as dumbfounded as you are!)

Red Faction Guerilla, Modern Warfare 2, Dragon Age: Origins (my life)

Grand Theft Auto: Lost and the Damned (How DLC should be!)

Still haven't found him...but damn is he lookin' good!

So there you have it. Not a truly impressive year, there was a lot of international news going on that year but it was filled with terrorist attacks, assassinations, corrupt leaders and like the true American I am I laughed and chewed on piece of cow and read the bible!

Actually I just didn’t feel like writing about it, but I have a feeling 2010 will kick ass especially for our loyal readers and fans out there! We have some pretty awesome stuff we’re working on for this year, The Super Dudes Power Show, our usual mix of awesome guest writers an contributors, and kick ass articles (maybe not this one but the others rock!) and we hope you love it!

Stay tuned Super Dudes and Super Dudettes!!!


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3 thoughts on “Joe’s Sloppy 2009: Year in Review”

  1. Go see Up! You should be able to get it from your local Redbox, and I may be able to hook you up with codes for free Reddbox rentals…

    Also, there are plenty of movies where the game is better than the movie. The difference is, usually those movies are based on the game, and not vice versa.

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