Fun Stuff, Irrationality, News, Television

Swine Flu, as I Understand It…

alexbwThere’s recently been a lot of rumors spreading around (like a virus!) about this whole Swine Flu business. It’s a lot to wrap my head around, but I’m going to attempt a quick explanation.

For those of you who don’t know, Swine Flu is a variation of Influenza that came from pigs, transferred to pig people, and then found its way to normal people; through what I can only assume was a series of sexy encounters with BBW’s.

But don’t panic! While the media hype surrounding this outbreak can be overwhelming at times, you can be absolutely sure of at least three things:

1. The dead are not returning to life to feed on the living (unless all reliable witnesses have already been taken out, in which case, I guess we’d never know!)

2. It is not a biological weapon of any kind (no HAMthrax).

3. You can’t get it from eating pork, bacon, sausage, ham, or America Ferrara (…yet).

Although it may shock and alarm most of you, I must clarify for the record that I am not a doctor. My thoughts and opinions on Swine Flu may or may not have any basis in reality.

I have learned, however, that I may have been horribly wrong regarding the #1 thing that you can be absolutely sure of (above).

And while the Swine Flu may inevitably serve to divide us into a Nation of Disease-ridden Horribles versus the psychotically reclusive obsessive-compulsive…

…at least the two waring groups can settle in a Post-Apocalyptic world, sharing a mutual hatred for Sit Down, Shut Up.



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